Domestic Violence / Dating Violence

Most people picture domestic violence as some guy who beats the crap out of his wife on a regular basis, and trust me, that happens far more than most folks realize.  But that is only one aspect of domestic violence.  Domestic violence (aka partner assault) is far more complicated and much bigger than that.

According to the domestic violence death review committee (that reviews domestic homicides in Canada and make recommendations to help prevent future homicides), roughly 70% of domestic homicides happen in situations that do not have a history of physical assaults and many times the homicides seem to happen around child custody cases and family court issues.

How can that be?

Physical assault is one aspect of a pattern of behaviour that when put together makes up a picture of a violent and potentially dangerous relationship.  Thinking of partner assault as the act of physically assaulting your partner is like thinking of a BLT sandwich that is missing the lettuce and bacon and mayo.  There are a lot more parts needed to make the whole.

Sometimes, the constant threats and insinuations and manipulations are enough to keep the other person on edge and walking on eggshells.  The name calling and put downs and insults wear even the strongest person down to the point that they eventually believe it.  Seems unreal I know if you’ve never been there but the reality is that abusive partners are not abusive all the time.  They chose when it is most convenient or best for them to act that way.  Other times they are perfect husbands or wives or partners and will act loving and caring and present as sincere.  This makes it very hard to leave because once your partner is being nice to you, you believe them when they say things will be better or could be better.

When someone you love has you in a constant state of stress by their jeckyl and hyde behaviour of loving one day and evil “hate you” the next, you lose yourself and your own center because all of your energy is spent trying to keep your partner happy, safe, sane and hopefully from losing their temper.  You spend all your time accepting what this person says to you because that is what a good partner does.  You go into this like a normal person with good intentions who is trying to be the best partner they can be.  Unfortunately, the abusive person manipulates that very thing until you don’t know anything anymore.

On this resource page are a list of publications and links to provide you with information on domestic violence.  Some of the links are to our own work and some are to other community groups.  Since we are a Lanark based organization, community links are mostly for organizations in that catchment area.  

For further information about this topic, please email info@victimserviceslanark.ca

Related Pages

Victim Quick Response Program page

Domestic Violence

What to do About Domestic Violence

Stalking & Harassment

Safety Planning

Empowerment Toolkit

Assaulted Women’s Helpline
1-866-863-0511
www.awhl.org

Distress Line
1-800-465-4442 
www.dcontario.org

Interval House
1-800-267-7946
www.lcih.org

Lanark, Leeds & Grenville Legal Clinic
1-800-597-4529 
www.legalclinic.ca

Legal Aid Ontario
1-800-668-8258 
www.legalaid.on.ca/en/getting/type_domesticviolence.asp

Mental Health Crisis Line
1-866-281-2911 
www.rohcg.on.ca/programs-and-services/bmhc-e.cfm

Sexual Assault Domestic Violence Program
613-283-2330 x 1258
psfdh.on.ca/services/specialty-services/lanark-county-sexual-assault-domestic-violence-program/

Victim Witness Assistance Program
1-866-296-0166
www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/about/vw/vwap.asp

Victim Support Line
1-888-579-2888
www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/about/vw/vsl.asp

Domestic Violence Publication
www.vcars.on.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Out-of-Shadows-12-2012.pdf  

Safety Planning for the Home
www.flipsnack.com/cdvsca/building-a-safer-home-environment.html

Safety Planning when you live your partner
www.flipsnack.com/cdvsca/living-with-partner-safety-plan.html

Legal Information for Victims of Domestic Violence
www.cleo.on.ca/sites/default/files/book_pdfs/handbook.pdf  

Blog Posts on Domestic Violence
victimservices.wordpress.com/category/domestic-violence/  

Facts & Statistics re: Domestic Violence
www.canadianwomen.org/facts-about-violence?gclid=CP7VzK7Pu8wCFQoNaQodN9YOLw

211 Information on Domestic Violence Resources
211ontario.ca/topic/Ontario/ORGANIZATION/fht266/Ontario?gclid=CPza0bvPu8wCFRCOaQodCo0N-g  

Violence Against Women Website and provincial resources
www.jwicanada.com/vaw-resources.php  

Domestic Violence Hotline
www.thehotline.org

Legal Aid
www.legalaid.on.ca/en/getting/type_domesticviolence.asp